When Things Turn to **** by Dale Dilts

This is from my good friend and another of the great ABX pilots I had the privilege of working with, Captain Dale Dilts:

Here is a story from long ago when I was flying for the U.S. Army.

During my days flying in the Washington D.C. area, I was assigned with a friend, an older pilot-in-command, to fly four Colonels from Washington D.C. to New Orleans, Louisiana.

We were to spend the night there and fly our passengers back to Washington the next day. The flight down was uneventful.

We flew an Army U-8F better known as a Queen Air, an unpressurized airplane. The passenger compartment was set up with club seating for four. The rear of the airplane allowed room for luggage.

When we arrived the two of us crew members shared a room as that was necessary since the Army per diem at that time was $25.00 per day.

My friend and I went to a typical Bourbon Street restaurant for dinner as was the custom.

The next day we went to the airfield and prepared for the return flight to Washington. Everything began just fine. The weather was clear for the entire flight, and we were expecting a tail wind.

I was flying the return leg and about halfway, my fellow pilot said,  “I have to go to the bathroom.”

I said, “Pick a place and we will land.”

He said, “I can’t wait that long. I need to go now!”

As you might expect, the U-8F does not have a bathroom.

My friend quickly exited the cockpit and headed for the back of the plane.

I couldn’t hear what he said to the passengers, but I did see him removing everything from his briefcase.

I can still remember the awful odor when I looked to the rear of the plane and saw him squatting down holding the backs of the two rear seats.

I opened the vent window of this unpressurized airplane for a breath of fresh air.

As you might expect, none of the windows in the back could be opened.

The rest of the flight was uneventful if you can ignore the smell coming from the briefcase, and the deafening silence from our distinguished travelers.

When we arrived at our destination there was no “Nice flight!” or “Great Job!” from our passengers as they departed the airfield.

I told my friend, “I don’t think we will be getting any letters of appreciation from those guys.”

My friend retired from the Army, and I went on to bigger and better things. Multi-engine training in a Twin Comanche.